Well I should have known going into this one that the term “summer blockbuster” coincides only with a well circulated, high quality sounding, wallet shrinking multi-seat theatre (with an option for three-dimensional viewing of course). Let’s not even mention the price for medium popcorn these days (bank loan anyone). Since Blockbuster and the ‘mom and pop’ video chains cease to exist anymore, I have relied on several other more creative options in regards to feeding my cinematic urges without completely breaking the bank. Just the other day while I was patiently waiting in line at the Popeye’s drive thru for a five piece spicy tender meal, which by the way “patiently waiting” and “Popeye’s” rarely go hand in hand, I was met by a kind older man who seemed to be of Asian decent. To my delight he was earning some honest bread by selling copies of the aforementioned “summer blockbusters” and like most dad’s I know on a hot day in mid-July I was afforded a wonderful opportunity to give my son his first lesson in movie piracy.
The going rate for a bootlegger is five bucks and in recent memory even the quality has been greater than say any VCR efforts in year’s past. The murky waters of a bootleg DVD often depends on the videographers steady hand. Or more importantly the chances a reluctant consumer like myself takes when dishing out a five-spot for something that maybe lacking heavily in the sound department. I mean lets face it’s your best chance at watching Brad Pitt being chased by zombies all while sounding like he is trying to talk underwater. The gentlemen who happened to sell me my latest foray into cinematic forgery assured me that the copy I was about to purchase was in fact “good quality”. Now I can only sit and wonder if this particular entrepreneur who sold me the Blu-ray less contraband in the first place was as honest as say ol’ Abe Lincoln himself. This specific straight to my living room feature in question was Hollywood’s latest and greatest attempt at bringing the Son of Jor-el to the big screen (ok I get it poor choice of words my television is only 42”). So while I don’t consider myself the Siskel and Ebert of hot copied movies I must say that this particular version of the Man of Steel* was rather entertaining and was most certainly easy on the eyes. Whoever filmed this gem was able to capture the Kryptonian essence of the original and make it feel almost like I was watching Henry Cavill beat down General Zod and his cronies at an actual movie house. Unfortunately the sound was not up to snuff and while Russell Crowe sounded as if he was speaking into a shoebox at times I can only imagine what it was like being stuck in the Phantom Zone, because I am almost positive it probably sounded just like what I was hearing during some of the more crucial dialogue scenes. In my reviews I will not give out stars only dollars and for this particular hotty I am giving it two and a half dollars. If Superman was an actual bootleg DVD than lack of sound would most certainly be his kryptonite.
Man of Steel Review by Bizar-Rich
* Author’s note: I took my wife to see Man of Steel opening night and along with my tickets that were purchased legitimately I also splurged and bought the Mrs. a cold beverage. I will not deny that I used a previously unused popcorn voucher that night but in my defense I opted to withhold on the buttery accessories. So take that Tinsel Town and all the angry execs that feel besmirched by the common man’s sudden compulsion to shy away from the “summer blockbuster” every so often in order to keep a few extra bucks in his already thin pockets.
SniktyBamf! 